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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in clos10's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, November 26th, 2008
4:50 pm
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
7:39 pm
Coming back
The worst part of splitting custody of your children with someone is realizing how helpless you really are when it comes to choosing who comes into your childrens lives. You have no say in whomever that other person decides to bring into their life, just as they have no say in who you can bring in yours. This is such a compromise due to the fact that you have no choice but to trust them to not let harm come to the kids (even if they REPEATEDLY let themselves come to harm). The state tends to look down on fathers, and the law discriminates against those that try to be involved against the wishes of a bitter mom. It's a catch 22, we want to be in our childrens lives, we want to come home and sit at the dinner table with them, not miss a moment of them growing up. Yet we have to be haunted by the fact that somebodies raw emotions can try to prevent that.

I know I wasn't the best husband at times. I'll let your record as a wife speak for itself. But one thing we did try on (and moderately succeed at) is being a good parent. Regardless of circumstances, the kids always came first. To the extent that even our marriage was pushed aside. Not a mistake I plan to make again if I ever do find myself saying those vows. One day they will walk out your door, still in your life but not in your home. And all you have to look at is the person you gave that ring too. Might as well lay down some good groundwork for that early :).

It's been a year of ups and downs. Many changes and realizations. It's amazing what you can figure out and confront about yourself just by sitting in a couch and talking to a jewish guy with an expensive piece of paper hanging on his wall. I've pushed myself to the side for too long. Life is more than just surviving until the next day. And I've been just surviving for years. I'm good at it. So good, that breaking out of that habit and pushing forward has taking me over a decade to get too.

I'm working at a stable company that rewards its employees for a decent job. I have an awesome girlfriend (who can be a bit of a pain in the ass, but she keeps me in check), great kids who are growing so quick I don't realize it, and friends and family that I am now realizing I am incomplete without. I've switched my work schedule to allow time for that now. Expect a few calls from me in the coming days people. The pumpking king is waking up from a very long slumber...

Current Mood: calm
Sunday, April 13th, 2008
12:37 pm
I'm bored, the weather today is shit, and I'm loosing my patience with the kids running around my house tearing everything up. I was trying to organize my cluttered desk, but my son decided to run thru my organized papers. I need a vacation. Enough of this rant.

Current Mood: crappy
Monday, October 29th, 2007
5:22 pm
Fall Festival
Took the kids to the disney employee fall festival with M over the weekend. Here's some shotsCollapse )

That was all I did over the weekend. Helped Hailey make a family tree for a school project. Which resulted in me coming across the old wedding album, that's always a downer. Then cleaned out the turtle tank on Sunday. They are big for their size. I took the to the pet store and the guy that sold them to me looked at them and said I might be overfeeding them. I'm only supposed to feed them twice a day. They swim up to the glass and tap on it if I don't feed them 4 or 5 times a day. Dude started laughing when I told him. I'm going to need a new tank for them soon. They have a ten gallon but I'm thinking of upgrading to a thirty and turning it into a dry wet tank.

Now I'm watching Hailey play Smash Brothers and lamenting how I won't be able to see Heroes until the morning :(.

Current Mood: sleepy
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
12:30 am
So Halloween is aproaching rather rapidly and I am so behind in preparing it's not even funny. I was supposed to take the kids to go get their costumes today, but their momma asked if she could keep them overnight. She's been trying to do that a lot more lately. I miss the kids, but at the same time it's nice to catch a break and be able to see some friends. Went to an old friends birthday party for a little while before I went to work tonight. Had a mini high school reunion of sorts. It was good times. Now I'm at work and had some time to kill so I figured I'd update.

Went to Halloween Horror Nights the other night. It sucked. We were there 4 hours and did only 1 haunted house. Plus I ran into an ex gf there. That was all sorts of awkwardness. Especially considering I had M with me and my ex hates her. So Tim being Tim decided to blurt out "Hey this must be so awkward for you guys, you used to fuck!" at the top of his lungs in line. Aside from that, I had a little bit of fun watching M get the crap scared out of her. I had to carry her out of the haunted house we hit up because all the people in there singled her out as their target. She jumped and wrapped her arms and legs around me and I hauled her out. It was a funny sight. To bad I left my camera at home. And Universal, please do not put so many beer stands in a 2 hour line with no bathrooms. Beer makes us go pee.

So nothing else new has really happened. I'm definitely commiting to Comicon this summer. No excuses and hopefully custody will be done with so I can take at least the girls with me. They'd love it. Speaking of the girls, Hailey is having trouble with school. Three weeks of her mother being back in her life and her performance in school is slipping. I've been working with her on her reading after school, plus she does tutoring on Tuesdays and Thursdays and her grandmother (her moms' mom) is a teacher and has been coming over a few days a week to help her out.

Work is a lot more relaxed since I demoted myself. I go in and do my work and then leave. No OT, no millions of emails to answer, no getting the blame for every mistake. It's actually getting a little more relaxed to come in. And considering they are helping to locate an affordable family lawyer at a discounted rate, I do have to stick it out here a little longer. I saw resident evil: extinction last night as well as 30 days of Night. Both were good with 30 days being the better/more gruesome one. Extinction was ok, I was hoping for a definite end, but they left it wide open again. But I did see the previews for Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem. Faces melted, heads were blown off, and lots of people were impaled. It looks rather promising. But Iron Man took the cake. That preview left me a little wet in the pants :).

Current Mood: awake
Friday, September 28th, 2007
9:59 am
Working on my day off
Not really, but I still have to go to a lunch meeting. I have things I desperately need to do before I get the kids in the afternoon and this is taking time away from it. Went out last night to shoot a little pool with Tim and M. Had a good time. Though it was weird, not having my kids and not working at the same time. We are at the pool hall we hung out at in our younger days. We got nostalgic and started talking about "back in the day" and "remember that one time in school". Nice way to feel old :). But Tim is contemplating moving to Maine to see if things will work out between him and a his love interest. I told him he has my full support just be smart about it and to try visiting up there for a few times before committing to anything. It's a little weird hearing that your best friend that you've known since the 3rd grade is thinking about leaving. Makes me wish I could get out of Orlando. But that's a post for another time. I go to eat bbq with my boss know.

Current Mood: hungry
Thursday, September 27th, 2007
3:17 pm
Some recent happenings...
So a late congratulations to one of my best friends and his new wife. I love you both, thank you for letting me be a part of your day and I'm sorry for the whole too much to drink thing :). At least there were other more embarrassing things that happened that day!

Wedding StuffCollapse )

Current Mood: relaxed
2:36 pm
On a happy zombie note...

I've been meaning on doing this for years. I might just have to do it this year :)

Current Mood: determined
Wednesday, September 26th, 2007
6:45 pm
Yeah, just... Oi.

Let me start off by apologizing to LJ. I'm sorry I haven't had time to post as much LJ. I do miss our little flirtations and your ability to just listen as I bitch. But I've been busy trying to be a responsible dad. Though it hasn't seem to mattered to the courts lately. I had a court date yesterday to try and extend my exclusive temporary custody until we can get a final custody hearing. I didn't go in as prepared as I should have been and the judge ended up ruling that we share custody again. She had her friends testifying to how great a mother she is and how they love when she watches their kids. I was there alone. Just my word versus hers. I managed to unravel most of her case with logic. That I have the kids almost all the time. That she can't provide a stable home for them. That she was just released from psychiatric care from the hospital. For the second time. But even all that wasn't enough to get me full custody. So I'm back at square one. My kids still don't have a stable environment and it's driving me nuts. Just trying to be a good dad is not enough. Now I have to be on the ball. I'm having issues at work because I've been so tired and physically and mentally drained by everything that my performance is slipping. I even demoted myself from QC Supervisor to just a Tech so I could focus on things at home. I have a to-do list that is so large it's ridiculous. And I'm so worn out coming home in the mornings I just want to sleep. But I have kids to look after so I can't even do that. Enough complaining though, time to get things done. My next post will be a little better and more upbeat hopefully :).

Current Mood: drained
Friday, August 3rd, 2007
8:23 pm
Tour of my deathtrap employment
So I've decided to show where I work and some of the more interesting ways to die there. I work in a nuclear lab for a large healthcare company. It's a small lab with only 4 employees there total. I snagged some pics during my all too often alone times in the lab. Enjoy the deathtrap that is my place employment :).

TourCollapse )

Current Mood: contemplative
Saturday, July 21st, 2007
5:10 pm
The joys of having little girls...
So my little girl, my teeny-tiny, petite sweetheart of a child, just turned 4 today.

I am officially old. I remember holding all little 6lbs 2oz of baby Alannah as she was born. I remember staying up all night with a week old little girl who wouldn't stop crying. So we would watch my nightmare on elm street collection while she drank her bottles and slept soundly. I remember her first word (dada), her first steps and her first fart joke (princesssssssssssssss tooooooooooooooooootsss!!).

Today I saw her open her presents at Chucky Cheese (Hate that place soooo much) and get all excited about makeup and dresses. She has a new Snow White dress, a new tea set, loads of makeup and little craft butterflies. My mother flew down and took her shopping for clothes this morning. And I bought her a toy nursery set for her babies. She is a little mommy. My sister in her undying love for me, even put her present into a Victorias Secret bag. I got a glimpse of her bdays 20 years from now. That was not a cool thought.

As we were walking out she held my hand and kissed it and said thank you daddy I love you. That made my wallet stop screaming at me for how much money was spent that day and made me smile. These are the memories and reasons for me to keep going and get my life on track. Now I am going to go have a tea party with Snow White and 1 dwarf (Connor). Hailey fell asleep already. Oh, and I am Princess Daddy.

The self humiliation we do for our children!!

Current Mood: happy
Sunday, May 13th, 2007
9:10 pm
[LJ2ME] phone posting
so im posting from my phone in my hotel room in charlotte. makes me wish cingular had a sidekick like phone. missing my gf like crazy. more on that later. when i can get to a comp :)
Saturday, April 7th, 2007
9:30 am
family meeting
Hailey just called us all into the kitchen to sit us at the table and say "I have to say something." We're all very quiet wondering why a four year old wrangled us together.

"I farted, you can leave now."

Yeah, I love my kids :).

Current Mood: silly
Monday, March 19th, 2007
1:36 pm
Oddly enough...

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Yea, verily: Who is that, striding amidst the candy store! It is Clos10, hands clutching gilded boxing gloves! He bellows apocalyptically:

"You in some shit now, muhfuh! I burn with the holy fires of destruction!!!"

Find out!
Enter username:
Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

This is exactly how last night went!

Current Mood: silly
Saturday, March 3rd, 2007
8:31 pm
Makes sense

Josey and Victor are Proud to Announce the Birth of their Child, Carlos, on November 30, 1982.
Unfortunately, Carlos is the anti-christ.
Josey and Victor are thanking Satan.
What Did Your Birth Announcement Say? at QuizGalaxy.com

Current Mood: cranky
7:26 am
I gave in
I got the LJ talk. I've been trying to tone down all my messaging down to one program. Seeing as microsoft is being a bitch with GAIM. I don't like juggling alot of messenger services at once. Especially when I'm playing WoW and I need all the processing power I can get out. So I'm on it. Don't be a stranger and hit me up sometime!

Current Mood: still awake
Thursday, February 1st, 2007
2:26 pm
First things first...

I passed my courses at work!!!!

So I'm sooo happy about that. I officially cheated the college system and got something that usually takes 4+ years of school and working with radiation to achieve. I'm such a sneaky rican. And it looks like I might be having to go through a custody thing soon. exwife rantCollapse )

Valentines day is coming up. I'm sending Nikki and her daughter flowers. Things are still awkward between us on the account that we still want to get back together, but we're keeping our space until we get our heads straight. Jumping out of one 5+ year relationship and almost straight into another one is not the best idea. We're both in that boat and want to make sure we're not just rebounding right into each other. At least we can talk about these things and be friends. That's got to count for something right? (desperately seeking validation here people, somebody throw me a bone)

Current Mood: sleepy
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
5:04 pm
So I just finished trying to explain to the ex-wife how her situations no longer involve me and I don't wish to hear about it. She got so angry she starts insulting me and my situation and how better off she is. I tell her to say what she wants, if all you can do is insult someone out of frustration, then who's really the better one? I might be living at my grandparents again, and I'm still taking on a financial burden from the ex. But damn, I just moved out in December. Excuse me for not having my marriage fail all planned out and taken care of in advance. At least I have someplace to go and I can handle my own affairs instead of having others hold my hand and make my decisions for me. Oh wells, life goes on :). Had lunch with Nick and Samati yesterday and we had a good time. Definitely need to make some more time to chill with them. And your unemployed ass needs to hang out more often! Miss two for one margaritas at Chilis pounding them back like they were nothing :). Looks like also I'm going to have my kids more often (yay!!) as they are no longer in daycare and the ex is much too busy doing whatever it is she does because she can't find a job and no one will hire her (boo-hoo-hoo). It's a mixed blessing. I'm loving that I won't have to fight her to see them more. But now I have to deal with their mother more. Also as I'm working an earlier shift now (11:30 p.m. to 8 a.m.) sleep will be a little harder to come by. That's nothing new though. I'll worry about catching up on that when I'm dead. This means I must stock up on baking supplies. We shall get fat off of cookies and cakes yet! On a good note, I finally got my last W-2 now I need to find time to file and get my monies. This is the last year I'm going to be claiming all the kids and the ex, so hopefully this will be a good one. I'd like an x-box 360 to go along with my new freedom please.
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
1:50 pm
So I went to a birthday party yesterday and took the kids. I got some pics on the phone.

From left to right(or shortest to tallest)Alannah, Hailey, and Marley.

Hailey and Marley eating dinner.
I need to send my camera back to moms job to get fixed. My girls have a new friend. And she wants me and her mommy to be a big family. It was way to nice having that feeling again yesterday. Her mom handled my kids better than their mother ever could. I'm not one to brush my kids of on others, but she didn't even give me a chance! She got me a dinner plate and a beer and chased my kids while I ate. I can't remember the last time I had that opportunity. Now if only both of us could get our crap together and see if this would actually go anywhere. Not that I'm looking to jump into a big relationship again. I'm just so accustomed to being a family guy that I'm loathing the idea of dating again. So I guess I am subconsciously looking for a big relationship. I just need to make sure I slow myself down and not run around falling for the first girl who gives me the time of day. I'm still slightly in the emo-ish state. Now I go chase my kids around the yard for a little while. Got to enjoy the little time I have with them :)

Current Mood: lonely
Friday, January 26th, 2007
2:43 pm
My anniversarry
Today is my 5 year wedding anniversary. So hold on to your hats people, this is one for the books! First of all, I'm getting divorced because of these reasons:
(clears throat)

1. I'm a horrible cheating asshole. Despite the fact that in almost six years of being together I have turned away every single woman that's come onto me? No matter how frustrated or angered I was by her, within 2 minutes of talking to me you know I'm married with kids. That was it. Pardon me for talking with a female every now and then. But with over 3 BILLION women on this planet, you'd think I could've avoided talking to all of them a little better don't you?

2. I "left" her. First time, I did. But when a woman is out of her god-damned mind and attacks you in front of your kids, what do you do? Do you sit there and just let your kids see that brutal fiasco? Or do you take them the hell out of that enviroment? Excuse me for taking our kids away from that. True, you didn't physically pull a gun out and make me leave this time, but you might as well have. Are you happy now? Are we even now? I left you once, you end our marriage because you didn't want to fucking try anymore. Fuck you.

3. I hold you back. I never told you to not get a job. I never told you to not finish school. In fact, the only thing I told you was to go finish school and then get a job. Or to wait until until the girls were in school to look for one. But that would have required patience and thats something you are so fucking excellent at isnt it?

4. I'm too controlling. I've never made you give up a damned thing ever. I always asked you about things before I made any decisions on anything. If you didn't tell me how you felt when I asked you then you are S-O-L. You change your mind every other day and then expect our lives to change along with that. Sorry things don't work out how you want. But sometimes we have to put our big girl panties on and deal with it.

5. I put the kids first. And then? Why don't you ever? Instead of crying about how unfair life is, or how you never did anything, why don't you try being content for the fact that you made three beautiful children. You get on my shit if I have them for the little time I have, but you see them for an hour or two then you put them to bed. They are in daycare and you're still not doing anything beacuse you feel overwhelmed. Welcome to single parent life. It's a bitch ain't it?

So you see how bad of a person I am. I should just kill myself and be done with it, don't you think? I've spent nearly half a decade being a father and a husband. I enjoyed it more than anything else. I might not have been the best, but damn it I tried. Fuck you for taking that away. You might not know what your place is in life, but I did. I'm daddy and now I have to miss half of their lives because you got too tired of trying. Because you were fed up with our situation. I might not have been able to give much, but what I was able to do, I worked, bleed, and cried damned hard for it. And it was never good enough for you. Every time I worked hard to build us a better situation, you had to throw some shit in there to knock us further back. It's almost as if you where trying to hold us down. I know you hate changing your routine, but damn, I was just trying to give us a better life. There's so much other shit I could go into. But I don't want to be typing all day. But there is one thing. How the hell does a picture of a refridgerator mean I'm cheating?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY sorry for being such an inconvinience in your life.

Current Mood: pissed off
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